I love baseball.  The kind of love that includes things like subscribing to three different baseball podcasts, coaching two Little League teams, and having every Baseball Prospectus from the past ten years.  I own enough Detroit Tigers shirts that I could wear one every single day of the month without repeating.   I love baseball so much that the most surprising part of this story might be how long it took me to realize that sharing my passion with students would be one of my best relationship building tools.

Recess Baseball Club started simply enough.  Two years ago I found myself bored monitoring the playground during recess time.  My baseball glove, bat, and ball were in my car from Little League practice the night before.  I grabbed four frisbees for bases and headed out to the open grass area on the playground.  I yelled to the students, “Does anyone want to play baseball?”  A mob of students ran over and we spent the rest of the recess playing baseball.  Not a bad way to pass the time.  

I was surprised the next day when a dozen or so kids showed up to lunch with baseball gloves.  “We can’t wait to play baseball today,” one of them said to me.  I guess we are playing baseball again, I thought to myself.  At the end of recess while picking up the bases, one of the first grade students approached me.  As the principal of the building, I unfortunately knew him well after several trips to the office.  He thanked me for playing baseball with him during recess and told me he loves baseball too.  He told me that when he goes to his grandma’s house, he even gets to watch the Tigers.  He also told me he wishes he could watch them at his own house but his mom doesn’t own a TV.  During our conversation, I learned about his rough home life and the struggles he faces every day.  Baseball became a way for me to reach him.

Recess baseball club continued to grow and each day I had more students heading out to the field to play ball.  We eventually ended up with so many kids that wanted to play that I had to rotate which grades got to play each period.  A couple of local businesses heard about the program and asked if they could do anything to support the program.  They donated money to buy baseball gloves, balls, and real bases-no more frisbees.  I was surprised one day when the fire inspector called and asked if he could come play some day.  He was guest pitcher the next week and the reaction was priceless.  The kids were so excited to see Firefighter Brian on the ball field.  We plan to invite more community leaders out this year to join us as guest pitchers.  The possibilities for the program are endless.

The Recess Baseball Club had unintended positive consequences that I never could have imagined when I first grabbed the bat and ball from my car.  First, the number of office referrals during recess had dramatically decreased and misbehavior had almost completely disappeared.  The students were too engaged and having too much fun to misbehave.  

Recess Baseball Club was great for building community in the school and allowing leadership opportunities for students that didn’t always have the opportunity to lead in the classroom.  Like most students, my students can be very competitive.  We set very clear expectations early on about expected behavior during Recess Baseball Club.  The #1 rule of Recess Baseball Club was to have fun by developing a love of baseball.  I intentionally pulled aside my travel baseball players at the beginning for a special role in Recess Baseball Club.  They were going to be the most enthusiastic supporters of kids that have never played before.  I loved the time I spent with them talking about how they could encourage others and how they could use their great skills at baseball to help me “coach” the kids playing for the first time.  One of my favorite moments of the year was watching one of most competitive students consoling a student after he made an error that cost his team the game.  In the past, this particular student would have been the first student to yell at a teammate for blowing the game.  Now, because he was trusted to be a leader, he showed the compassion we hope for our students.

Another thing I noticed was that baseball was starting to spread to the classroom.  Nicol Howald, one of my amazing teachers, asked if I had any favorite baseball books that she could add to her library because the kids were suddenly interested in reading about baseball.  The students passed around copies of The Boy Who Saved Baseball by John Ritter, The Girl Who Threw Butterflies by Mick Cochrane, and Baseballogy by Kevin Sylvester.  The fifth grade teachers invited me in to teach a sabermetrics lesson during math class.  We proved that sacrifice bunting was dumb and learned how to calculate run expectancy.  I was able to connect with kids about baseball.

Make no mistake though, this is not a story about a baseball program.  This is a story about opening up and sharing our personal passions with our students to help relationships flourish.  Be real.  Allow your students to see the real you.  Share the things you are passionate about with them and learn about the things they are passionate about.  Strong relationships begin to form when we take the time to really get to know each other.

Some days feel harder than others.  When I have a rough day at school, I make time to walk around and observe random acts of kindness in my school.  I see a student pick up a pencil after it rolls off a classmate’s desk, another student ask a classmate sitting on the Buddy Bench to come play, and another student recommend a book to a friend.  It warms my heart to see this kindness.  I make notes of my observations in my little notebook and head back to my office.  My rough day immediately feels smoother and my negativity melts away after I call parents and share stories of their child’s kindness.  It is one quick and easy way to be intentional about building relationships between parents and the school.  

Developing positive relationships with parents is essential to helping students reach their full potential.  Here are five simple ways I am intentional about building and nurturing positive relationships with parents.

Call Home with Positive News

Making positive phone calls is one of the easiest and most effective strategies for building positive relationships with parents.  I use this strategy in two main ways in my school.  

The first way is to call the families of new transfer students after two weeks of enrollment.  My goals are twofold here.  I want to check in and see how our school is working for them.  Students that transfer during the school year are often leaving a bad experience at another school.  Not only does this phone call help me get a read on how their school experience is going so far, but it also helps me build rapport.  I want them to feel comfortable reaching out to me if they have questions or concerns.  Those that know me well know that I enjoy making others happy.  This carries over to my ‘day job.’  I read hundreds of positive comments on our school survey yet still obsess over the one negative comment.  My goal is that every member of our school community be happy and proud of our school.  A positive first interaction with parents helps in reaching this goal.

Positive phone calls home that are specific to one child, similar to the type I described earlier, are those that I especially enjoy.  I try to use this strategy as often as possible.  I have used this approach often as both a classroom teacher and principal.  I will never forget the parent reaction the first time I called with positive news.  I have sadly seen similar reactions time and time again.  I can hear the nervousness in the parent’s voice the second they say hello.  I say, “Hello.  This is Mr. Bailey from Hemmeter Elementary.  I wanted to give you a call to tell you about something that happened with Brian today on the playground.  Brian befriended a student who was lonely by talking to her and spending the rest of his recess playing catch with her.  I was so impressed by his compassion.  Brian is such a positive role model, and I am so happy to have him in my class this year.”  Based on the long pause, I could clearly tell the parent was confused.  

She said, “OK.  Is there anything else?”

A little disappointed I said, “Nope.  I just wanted to let you know how proud I was of Brian and what he did today.”

Suddenly I heard a gasp for breath, a shaky voice, and heavy sobs.  “No one has ever told me anything good about my child.  The only time a teacher or the school has ever called was when he was in trouble.  Thank you, Mr. Bailey.  Your phone call made my day.  I can’t tell you how much it meant to me.  Good bye and thank you.”

It makes me sad to think that parents don’t hear positive news about their children.  How can we expect to have strong relationships with parents if we only call when there is a problem?  This one interaction completely changed my relationship with that parent.  She knew I took the time to see good in her son.  She knew I was on her side.  She knew I cared about her child.  We were now partners.

Using Social Media to Build Parent Relationships

Twitter and Snapchat may be the preferred platform for our students, but Facebook is still king with parents.  Most parents have a Facebook account and will engage with school if you use it to your advantage.  From a marketing perspective, a public Facebook page can be great for your school. However, for purposes of building relationships with parents, I prefer a private group.  We have a very active private Facebook page for our school.  The Facebook page is not only a place for parents to ask questions about the school but also a place I can give parents an inside look into the school and promote the awesome things that are taking place.  With a private page, I can share videos and pictures from the school without having to worry too much about individual privacy.  Parents love this!  I have received more positive feedback about pictures and videos on Facebook than anything else.  The other thing I love about the Facebook page is it allows me to interact with parents in an informal way.  While still being professional, I can be a little more myself on Facebook.  I post funny memes or amusing stories.  I post my Christmas card to the parents.  This helps remind them that I am just a normal person.  I am not the big, bad, scary principal.  Parents tell me all the time that they are scared to come talk to the principal because it brings up bad memories from their childhood.  However, they feel comfortable coming to me because I seem more like a ‘normal person.’  I’m not sure my close friends and family would consider me ‘normal’ by any stretch, but I think what parents have the opportunity to see is something most principals hide: their personality.  I am always professional in my posts, but I am also fun.  Yes.  Principals can be fun.

Coffee Talks

The idea behind a coffee talk is simple.  I want to give parents an informal, comfortable setting to ask questions and talk about the school.  The coffee talks are held 2-3 times per year and last for approximately 45 minutes.  I provide coffee and donuts and start by sharing a couple of events currently happening in the school.  However, a majority of the time is spent just having a discussion that is driven by the parents.  Although I keep a few topics ready in my back pocket, it doesn’t take long for parents to see this is a safe, honest environment.  A number of new initiatives in the school have come out of conversations that started in this coffee talk setting.  We have added a salad bar to our lunch offering and changed several modes of communication based on the feedback I received from these meetings.  Coffee talks are a great way for parents to have a voice in the school.  Plus, who doesn’t love free coffee and donuts.

Parent Book Clubs

I started this idea a few years ago and it has led to some great conversations and strong bonds formed with the parents that participated.  I have used a variety of books but usually try to find something that connects to an initiative at school but also has some educational application.  The first book we used was The Read Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease.  This book worked perfectly for the parent book club.  It was interesting and aligned with our core mission of building a reading culture. We had great discussions about the importance of read alouds and the research that supports this practice.  We were able to correct common misconceptions, such as ‘once your child is old enough to read, you should stop reading aloud’ and ‘graphic novels aren’t real reading.’  The conversations spread outside of our book club as well.  A number of parents said they were unable to attend the book club meetings but were still reading the book.  It was a positive, powerful experience.   We have also read Mindset by Carol Dweck, The Smartest Kids in the World by Amanda Ripley, and Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne.   

Family Nights

Family nights are not new in education.  Most schools have curriculum nights and open houses.  We have those things as well, but we have also made a conscious effort to have more than just informational nights for parents.  We want opportunities for families to come together and just have fun.  My favorite family event of the year was our “One Book Reading and Art Show.”  We invited all families to read Pink is for Blobfish by Jess Keating.  Then families created an art piece together based on the book or their favorite animal.  In an attempt to encourage creativity, we gave very little guidance or direction in creating the art.  We had over 150 families participate in the art show and the artwork was incredible!  We had paintings of blobfish, photographs of wild animals, and clay turtles.  Families told me how much fun they had working together to build the art piece for the show and reading the book.  Skyping with Jess Keating was the perfect ending to the event.  

Another new family event we added this year was family board game night.  Board games are a great way for families to spend quality time together.  Although we contracted with a local company that brought in the board games, you could easily have families bring their own games.  Families spent the next two hours playing games.  The feedback was tremendous.  At Hemmeter, we often talk about our school as one big family.  This event helped reinforce that goal.  It was another great opportunity to connect and bond with parents.

I have heard several principals and teachers joke, “The kids are great, it’s the parents who ruin the job.”  I am thankful to be in a school where this is not the case.  This doesn’t happen by accident.  It takes work to build relationships.  In order for a school to be successful, we have to be intentional about nurturing relationships with all of our stakeholders. I can honestly say parents, students, and educators are all working together at Hemmeter.

Six years ago I decided to leave my 5th grade classroom that had been my home for eleven years to become principal of the building.  I was excited for this new learning journey and challenge.  I couldn’t wait!  Then the job started, and I was miserable.  I was overwhelmed with paperwork and found myself stuck in my office more and more.  I would go days without having a meaningful conversation with a student.  The first question people would always ask me was, “Do you miss the classroom?”  I would reply, “Yes.  It is quite a bit different but I really am enjoying the new challenge.”  It wouldn’t have been appropriate to share my real thoughts. Yes, I miss it.  This new job sucks!  I spend the whole day filling out paperwork, listening to boring webinars, and attending three-hour meetings that could have been four line emails.  I spend the whole day on the phone listening to vendors pitch their stupid, test prep software or parents complain because they had to wait three minutes in the drop off line because someone got out of their car.  I spend the whole day managing the building instead of leading it.  I spend the whole day away from kids.  This new job sucks!  I had made up my mind, I was one and done as principal.  However, I had to find a way to survive the year.  I thought back to what I loved about being a classroom teacher.  It was the students and the relationships we developed over the course of the year.  The relationships I formed with my students always started with books.  It was time to apply that principle to being principal.  

Reading with Students

One of my favorite parts of the day as a classroom teacher was free choice independent reading.  I would spend the majority of the time conferring with students, but always set aside time at the end to read with my class.  I wanted them to see me as a reader and this provided a great model.  Also, I knew I needed to read a lot of books if I was going to make recommendations for them.  I decided I was going to start doing this as principal.  I blocked out 20 minutes on my calendar every day to read independently during the school day.  We added two big, comfy chairs in front of the office and some days I would use these to read.  Other days I would find out when a class was doing independent reading and ask if I could join them.  The practice immediately paid dividends.  The first day a student came up to me and said, “I saw you were reading Joey Pigza Swallowed the Key.  That is my favorite book.  Did you know there is another Joey Pigza book?”  We spent the next 5 minutes talking about our love for Joey Pigza.  At that point, it was my favorite five minutes as principal.  

Classroom Book Talks

I noticed right away when I was reading in the chairs in front of the office that every class that went by was always checking out the book I was reading.  It didn’t take long for students to come up to me during lunch or recess and ask if they could have the book next.  They wanted to read the book I was reading.  I wanted to expand on this so I started asking teachers if I could visit their class to book talk a recent book I read.  The teachers were thrilled and the students ate it up.  My blessing on a book was golden.  The students were fighting over who got to read it first.  I always left my copy of the book and told them to return it after they were finished.  I was surprised when a student returned Amulet only one week after I gave a book talk.  I expected this to be a very popular book that would be shared by a lot of students.  I didn’t expect it back for a month or two.  I asked the student, “Oh, you guys are done already?  The class didn’t like it?”  

“Are you kidding?” he replied, “we loved it.  We checked out two copies from the library and a couple students bought it from Barnes and Noble.  Everyone has read it already.  Oh yeah, we need Mrs. Bugbee (our librarian) to order more copies of the rest of the series.”  I took my lunch to the cafeteria that day and ate with their class and talked Amulet during their entire lunch.  At that point, it was my favorite lunch period of the year.

Principal’s Bookshelf

This is an idea I first heard from the amazing Sue Haney (principal at Parma Elementary).  Sue has a principal’s bookshelf in her office that students can use to check out books.  Based on the conversation about Amulet, I knew it was time to try this idea.  I scheduled time in each classroom to explain my principal’s bookshelf.  I didn’t want it to be over-complicated or time-consuming (remember I still had a lot of three-hour meetings to attend).  The idea was pretty simple.  I put a bookshelf stocked with my favorite books outside of my office.  The check-out system was a simple black marble composition notebook and a pencil.  I told students I trusted them to check out books and return them.  All they had to do was write the title of the book and sign their name in the composition book.  They should return the book when they finished it and cross off their name.  Also, I told them when they finished a book on my bookshelf I expected them to find me sometime during the day and tell me how they liked the book.  The bookshelf was as much for me as it was for them.  I was craving book conversations and time with students.  No single practice has helped me form meaningful relationships with my students more than my principal’s bookshelf.  My bookshelf grows every year.  I have been lucky to receive grants to help fill it.  Last year, students filled three composition notebooks with books they checked out.  I talk to students every day about books they have read off the shelf.  Each year some books get lost or go unreturned but that’s fine with me.  As Donalyn Miller says, “I would rather lose a book than lose a reader.”  

These practices started the turnaround for me.  It doesn’t matter what position you hold in education, it all starts with relationships.  Once I started looking at principalship through that lens everything changed.  Education is about the students and you can’t make a difference in a student’s life without having a meaningful relationship with them.  I still get overburdened with paperwork and get lost in my office from time to time.  However, those days are few and far between now.  I simply changed my lens.  Now I can honestly answer when someone asks, “Don’t you miss the classroom?”  “Yes. I do, but I love being a principal.”